I found this really good article online while searching for articles and other media that would give practical advise on how to be a godly man of character. We all know there are a lot of men in the Bible and in history that are good examples of godly men and ultimately we have Jesus as the perfect example but often it's hard (at least for me) to know how to practically apply those to life. The section highlighted I found to be especially good. I hope you all will be as inspired and motivated by this article as much as I am.
What do you think of this article? Is it what you thought and or were taught chivalry is? Is there anything you would add to the definition? Is there anything you disagree with?
What do you think of this article? Is it what you thought and or were taught chivalry is? Is there anything you would add to the definition? Is there anything you disagree with?
Chivalry Is Not Dead
Maybe you're looking in the wrong place, or maybe it's
not what you expected.
I don't know about you, but I've been around Christian
community my whole life. I've gone to church, Christian schools and some kind
of small group for almost as long as I can remember.
Being a Christian since I was 6 or so and growing up in a
Christian home has its advantages and disadvantages. I battle my own cynicism
from seeing so much mediocrity, apathy and straight-up hypocrisy in groups of
people who say they follow the most extraordinary, passionate, honest Person
who's ever lived. But this hypercritical view I have of the church also
highlights the good things in my eyes. For example, this movement of justice
that so many Millennials have made a part of demonstrating their faith to the
world is spectacular. So many people are living out Jesus' teachings about
caring for the poor. In the context of Christians who demonstrate an active
love for the poor, the words "Jesus loves you" are starting to have
some force to them for people who may not have considered our faith as loving.
But if you've been in the church for 21 years like me (or
less, if you catch on faster than I do) you've noticed the trends that have
come and gone, as well as some of the attractive and less-than-attractive
traits in the body as a whole. I've been noticing some things lately in the
church and in myself that are of the less-savory sort.
I have spent much of the last nine years talking about
social justice and the call to demonstrate sacrificial love to the world by
relieving the suffering of the poor and oppressed — specifically, helping in
the fight to end modern-day slavery through my fundraiser "Loose Change to
Loosen Chains" and my first two books, Be the Change and Lose
Your Cool.
As I've pursued this goal, I've noticed a double standard in
many people's lives, including my own. And I've become concerned. Concerned
that while great progress is being made in the area of helping people halfway
around the world, I'm seeing less civil and kind behavior in many people's
personal lives. Basically, I think we're a generation in conflict with
ourselves. We have 20/20 vision about the issues "out there," but I'm
concerned that we are forgetting to look "in here" — inside our
hearts and minds where character is created. What if we're a bunch of activists
who are spiritual anorexics? Could it be that we're spending a lot of time
being busy with our world-changing projects and forgetting about the spiritual
transformation that may take even more time, more dedication and more
discipline? And, in the process, our personal lives don't reflect the
world-changer, compassion-driven labels our social media pages may declare.
It seems to me that we've become a bit careless with our
words — some of us at least. We call names, disparage people, and our
conversations are tinged with meanness and lack of respect in our closest
personal relationships.
Think of all of the typical roommate arguments.
Sometimes, in the middle of a semester, replete with
difficult professors, relational drama, and no sleep, it's easier to say
things like: "You never do the dishes!" "You always leave your
socks on the floor!" "Why are a you always so loud when you come
in?"
While any of these statements could be true, the delivery
(using the words "always" or "never") can hurt or at least
make friendship and earning the right to be heard, very difficult.
It's easy to hurt those closest to us with our words. It's
easy to let familiarity breed contempt to the point that we wound casually in
arguments with friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends and spouses. All the
while, doing our acts of service farther from home, among those we don't know
well.
Princeton professor Dr. Cornel West has said that
"justice is what love looks like in public." Perhaps a private
display of justice is chivalry and civility — private justice as opposed to
social justice.
Chivalry — sounds a bit outdated, doesn't it? When you hear
it, you may think of men opening doors or pulling out chairs for women, or
maybe of rules for courtship or dating. That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm a bit of a history geek and have spent some time
studying chivalry in a historical context. I've crafted a code from 10 of the
principles some knights actually lived by. A code that, if lived out today, would
change us so dramatically that those around would have to take notice.
- I will
not go on this journey alone.
- I will
never attack from behind.
- I will
practice self-control and selflessness.
- I will
respect life and freedom.
- I will
fight only for the sake of those who are unable to defend themselves, or
in the defense of justice.
- I will
honor truth and always keep my promises.
- I will
fear no evil.
- I will
always follow the law unless it goes against what is moral and good.
- I will
live and die with honor.
- I will
never abandon my quest.
Make no mistake; this code of honor is more than a list of
rules. I'm tired of hearing lists of what I should and shouldn't do. What I
should and shouldn't eat or drink. What I should and shouldn't watch, touch or
say. Chivalry isn't about those rules. Instead, it is about how we should be
— the internal transformation that takes place as we open every area of our
lives to be conformed to an image that is not of this world: the image of an
amazing, terrifying, all-consuming and all-loving God who gives without limit
and sacrifices without end. This is where we will lose ourselves and find a
code that is higher and longer lasting than any pledge we may make. And it's
more meaningful than just being friendly.
Too many Christians are taught to focus on being pleasant
and polite rather than being kind. Since our early teens, many of us now in our
20s have been told how to behave. Young women are often under pressure to
"act ladylike," while young men are ordered to "be gentlemen."
At times, the pursuit of being more like Jesus can take a backseat to being
proper and nice. That's a problem, since being "nice" is just
external behavior. True kindness is of the Spirit. It's internal, and it's
lasting. Not just Southern politeness like we talk about in the U.S., but
enduring transcendent love that drives deep to the soul.
That means actually being kind to people because you want
to be, because the Spirit within you compels you to be, not because they can do
something for you, or because you are supposed to be kind.
Here are some ways to get started:
- Practice
active listening. Pay attention to the people around you and how they are
feeling. Ask them about how they're feeling (but don't be annoying).
- Remove
the words "always" and "never" from your vocabulary.
Both can be offensive and are not usually true.
- Look
to the example Jesus set. He asked people questions; He told them stories
to get them thinking. He’s the Christ, but he was accepting of everyone,
from children to prostitutes; from occupying soldiers, to his closest
friends. And when He disagreed with someone, He did it in love.
- If you
want to be a kind person, practice kindness. The more you practice, as
long as your motivation is grounded in a desire to demonstrate love to
people and not in moralism or legalism (being a "good person")
the more kind you will become.
I hope you'll enter into this journey with me. Male and
female — married and single — putting aside our presuppositions about who is to
act first, and each pursuing the higher calling of chivalry and civility. It
won't be easy. I have not even come close to living out all of these
principles, but I am committing to the process.
My sincere hope is that you will join me.
This entry was posted
on 25 July 2013
at Thursday, July 25, 2013
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